If there's one thing the gays know all about, it's how to identify a fine piece of meat. And when it comes to steak, gays wont settle for anything less than a premium cut of Beefcake. That's more than the United States government can say, apparently.
As you may know, the United States Department of Agriculture has established astonishingly low standards for our nation's public school cafeterias. Specifically, when it comes to meat and poultry (who needs protein anyway?). Annually, the National School Lunches Program purchases millions of pounds of spent-poultry, a category of chicken that usually falls under the "utility" qualification on USDA's gradient system. Not sure where "utility meat" fits in? Don't worry, it's at the absolute bottom. Might as well be grade-F rat meat.
In the past, egg farmers would dispose of their laying hens by throwing them straight out or selling them to pet food makers. Somehow, the government thought these low-quality products would be better suited to feed America's youth. Waste not, want not? Never mind the fact that spent-poultry is bred and grown in dark warehouses, stacked floor to ceiling in minute cages, ensuring that they are four times more likely to carry salmonella. Why is this legal, again? Oh, that's right, because it's super cheap.
So, as the American gay community has proven to be a much more discerning group than the USDA, shouldn't we at least be able to pick and marry our own spouses? Best. Argument. Ever.