So, the government has decided not to legally recognize your committed relationship. Naturally, by denying you this civil right they have successfully assimilated you into their hetero-normative society: magically, you are straight. Now it's time to look the part. Nothing screams "hard-core macho man" like a tricked out automobile.
What could be cooler than completely restricting your visibility in a decidedly vision-necessary situation? While many states regulate the amount of tint with which a car owner can operate, others have chosen to leave that all-important decision up to the consumer. Drivers in Arizona can cover their windows in construction paper for all the government cares-- that's front windshield included. In South Carolina and South Dakota, go ahead and paint the inside of your car, the tint laws are that lenient. Add some industry strength sub-woofers to have the complete Helen Keller driving experience.
What about those long moments between gear shifts? They certainly gnaw away at the soul . . . which is why having a television monitor in your dashboard comes in handy. Some states, like Illinois, have become aware of the fact that drivers are now watching back-to-back episodes of Law and Order from behind the steering wheel, while other legislators seem to be stuck in traffic. Incredibly, very few states regulate whether you can watch TV from the front seat.
Automobile accidents are among the leading causes of death in the United States, but the government seems more worried about who you marry than your driving safety. Remember that the next time you are feeling for the remote under your gas pedal, because your tinted windows have made it too dark to see, Macho Man.