Sunday, December 6, 2009

Pill Mills Be Popping!

In what way is gay marriage connected to the rise of prescription drug-related deaths? Turns out they're not connected at all. Huzzah! Except that the motivations and liberties of drug addicts are better protected than those of gay citizens.

While most of the nation is busy regulating who loves who and to what end, twelve states have neglected to monitor their distribution of prescription drugs. Their lack of regulation has resulted in vast hot beds of narcotic activity across the country. "Pill Mills" are popping up all over America, and they are rarely owned or operated by actual physicians or pharmacists. Interested? All you have to do is: Step 1. Find an abandoned phone booth, shack or other sketchy front. Step 2. Obtain a pain clinic license (don't worry, no medical experience is needed and no background checks are required). Step 3. Start selling insane amounts of oxycodone to your "patients," who have no official malady. Step 4. Open a Swiss bank account for the cash money you will be raking in. Just F Your I, that's hundreds of thousands of dollars a week.

Florida happens to be the biggest distributor of oxycodone, prescribing (read: selling) far more than any other state. For those that aren't up on their narcotics lingo, oxycodone is a form of synthesized opium that is continuously linked to overdose-related deaths. Of the top 50 doctors who dispense the most oxycodone annually, 100% of them live in Florida. Unfortunately, due to the famously disorganized nature of the dispensing program, there's no way to tell how much is sold and to whom. If only there was a way to regulate this distribution. . . some kind of technological device that could create a written collection of doctors and patients, holding both sides accountable. Oh yeah, it's called a prescription-drug database and 38 states already have them.

Gay marriage might be illegal, but at least I can ease the pain with dangerously high levels of mind-altering drugs.

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