Friday, December 25, 2009

Santa Claus: America's Most Wanted

For the last few weeks a national trend has brainwashed America's youth. Their tender and impressionable young minds have seen it on TV, they've talked about it in school, and soon they are going to start asking questions. Soon, they are going to demand answers. No, we're not referring to the radical gay agenda, we are referring to Santa Claus.

Every state in the union has strict laws against trespassing, but one night a year the Santa "Clause" comes into effect. On an international scale, Santa commits millions of breaking-and-entering crimes, often taking with him the only sprinkle-covered sugar cookies on the premises. Imagine what a violation it must be to have someone enter, unbidden into your home, prancing around in a red suit, trimmed with polar bear fur (also illegal). Claus' offenses against the regulations on trapping and keeping endangered animals like Reindeer have also never been called into question. Not to mention the thousands of Elves he enslaves, forcing them to work 364 days out of the year. No one inspects his work station for safety standards; no one has ever even seen to his workshop in the North Pole!

Considering the leniency with which Santa is treated, is it too much to ask that everyone be allowed to marry the person they love? It is Christmas, after all. . .

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