That's right: Gay marriage may not be legal, but contaminated food sure is!
Once you've made the big decision to get hitched (in a heterosexual marriage, of course!) you'll face one of the most important elements of committing yourself for life to another person: the reception menu!
As Americans, we can rest easy knowing that the government is there to shields us, the citizens and consumers, from potential contamination in our food. Under the protection of the Federal Food and Drug Administration, we can be confident that these laws are enforced with our health and wellness in mind!
Should you have the desire to serve asparagus at your federally-recognised marriage, feel free to tell your guests that the spears certainly aren't more than 10% infested with asparagus beetle eggs or egg sacks. In deciding between chicken or fish, keep in mind that the FDA permits a mere 60 parasitic cysts per every hundred freshwater blue fin herring!
Does your wedding dessert happen to include blackberries? Enjoy the taste of no more than 10 whole insect bodies per every 500-gram-sized serving. And if the garnish includes delicious ground cinnamon, it will contain the bonus of 400 insect fragments in every 50 grams, or an average of 11 rodent hairs in that same amount! Yummy!
Insect filth, parasitic cysts, rodent hair, and beetle eggs in your food! All of it legal before gay marriage. Bon Appetite!