Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Ice Bridge To Nowhere

Has the government's ban on gay marriage left you out in the cold? Now that our nation's most northern state has banned same-sex unions, the onslaught of a Maine winter could leave you feeling alone and isolated. The only solution is to build a 1,000 mile ice bridge out from under that love-avalanche.

Although everyone loves a good ice bridge, they are only possible for a small, privileged population. Every year, passages are created by layering man-made ice over barely frozen bodies of water in order to transport enormous amounts of fuel and resources to sequestered factories via, get this, 12,000 pound semi-trucks. That's right, the government has not only condoned but subsidized loaded semis to traverse a thin crust of newly-formed ice, all in the name of commerce. Surely this practice must be safe and regulated, since the government is only looking out for our best interest. Oh wait, this practice has led to dozens of deaths and hundreds of injuries, even when the trucks travel at excruciatingly slow speeds so as to not create waves below the brittle ice supporting their enormous girth? Shit.

You know who's really good at successfully negotiating across ice? Brian Boitano. Maybe he would help you if you weren't so fussy about gay marriage.

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