Hazing: Please, Sir, May I Have Another

Why shouldn't we allow same-sex couples to get married? Simple, because we've never allowed them to get married before. Everyone knows that change is scary and wrong and dangerous. That's why people shouldn't try to mess with time-honored and sacred traditions . . . like hazing.

For generations, impressionable young men have been meeting in darkened, candlelit rooms, peeling off layers of clothing, and committing unspeakable acts (sound homoerotic to anyone else?). Today, 44 states find hazing to be "inhumane" and even "torturous." In those jurisdictions, hazing will cost you as little as $10 or as much as serious time behind bars. However, six freedom-loving states --Alaska, Hawaii, Montana, New Mexico, South Dakota and Wyoming-- have no regulations whatsoever on this time-honored practice.

And why should they? Nothing is more macho, more American, than hazing. These rituals used to occur without the burden of pansy regulations. Some of our nation's oldest and most prestigious universities seasoned many a powerful and influential public figure by the paddle as much as by the book. However, some states just don't appreciate that. Maybe those states don't realize what a critical and irreplaceable part hazing plays in the life of a young co-ed. Maybe they don't understand that engaging in an elephant walk or receiving a golden shower is a right of passage that turns boys into men, and those men into the leaders of tomorrow.

Just because something is violent and demeaning doesn't mean it should be illegal. History is a better judge of right and wrong than the social mores of the time. I mean, the rights, freedoms and liberties of 1776 were good enough for the Founding Fathers, and it's not like we've ever updated or amended those . . .