You thought you knew the Environmental Protection Agency pretty well. You'd been friends for years; shared some good memories together, laughed, cried.... But the EPA has a secret it's been too afraid to tell you - until now. It's what you've always suspected, but could never prove, the EPA is coming out of its chemical closet.
In this B4GayMarriage "ripped from the headlines" special, we are highlighting an issue that has recently come to our attention. Apparently, the EPA has knowingly permitted the poisoning of Americans for decades. In 1976, the government struck a deal with manufacturers: all the chemicals used in commercial products, from household cleaning solvents to popular cosmetics, must be disclosed to the EPA - with the caveat that those chemicals and their scientific formulas remain hidden from the public.
Thankfully, what people don't know can't hurt them. Oh, nevermind. Numerous deaths a year have been attributed to poisoning, caused by unknown chemicals with secret, government-protected recipes. But what about Coca-Cola's special ingredient?! Or the Colonel's secret chicken recipe of 500 herbs and spices?! If the Toxic Substances Control Act is overturned then these companies (and others) would have to go public with their highly confidential chemicals. What an inconvenience. It's only our health.
For the last 34 years the government has closeted this important information, often at the cost of our health and security. The EPA needs to stop living a lie, protecting large companies, and shielding them from the consumer to ensure their financial success. To the EPA - be out, be proud, and tell us what is in our friggin' shampoo. And finally, if you're going to legally poison us, at least allow us to get gay married.