Saturday, February 6, 2010

Helmet Laws: Optional Rules of the Road

With the recent rulings against marriage equality, it could be time to hit the road and do some soul searching. Hop on that Harley and make for the hills. Don't you love how the wind feels as it whips through your long, salt-and-pepper mullet? Do you love that more or less than a face full of gravel? Well, with the relaxed helmet laws in 25 states you can have your cake and eat it, too.

When ripping along at 75 miles per hour it seems like a good idea to put something between your soft skull and the hard pavement. However, Iowa, Illinois, and New Hampshire have no laws concerning the use of a helmet or protective gear while operating a motocycle, moped, or bicycle. Twenty-two other states have suggested regulations, but only for citizens under the age of 18. Which makes perfect sense, given the thickening of the skull that occurs during the formidable high school years.

Do you think helmet-related motorcycle accidents occur everyday? Of course they do, silly! So, you've got to wonder what the 25 states in our union without helmet laws are playing at. Perhaps the most curious is the commonwealth of Pennsylvania, where helmet laws were actually reversed following the near-fatal bike accident of their beloved, fugly hero, Ben Rothlesaklsjgnaald-name-guy. It's almost like they learned nothing from his head-first collision with the Earth.

So, if you're ever feeling constricted by the laws trying to box you into a hetero-sexist union, just recreate your favorite Road Warrior scene on the back of the biggest, loudest hog you can find. But if you're planning on getting on behind Mel Gibson, make sure that's not short for Melanie, because gay marriage still isn't legal.

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