Puppy Mills: Get the Most Bang for Your Bark

After a long, internet-less period of darkness we are BACK! Thank you for your patience, your smoke-signals of encouragement, and your support!

Many states have recently taken steps to limit the potential for same sex couples to create families. And with good reason-- everyone knows that the only way to stop homosexuality from spreading is to prevent gays from marrying or adopting children. But fear not, Squirrel Friends, for if you happen to live in a state that prohibits gay couples from adopting (Georgia, Arkansas, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, et al) there are plenty of other opportunities for you. May we recommend the high-price, low-quality option of adopting a Puppy Mill pet?

This is likely preaching to the choir (gay are notorious for rescuing their pets), as you must know that Puppy Mills are brutal at best, often with hundreds of animals living in filthsome and horrific captivity. We don't need to tell you that these poor creatures -- kept alive solely for the purpose of breeding -- are stacked in cages like legos, inadequately fed, ineffectually housed and unloved. Didn't these Puppy Mill proprietors ever suffer the 10th-grade reading requirement that was Brave New World? How crazy and dystopian can you get!?

Do the cute, cuddly ends justify the inhumane, abusive means? The United States government seems to think so. Currently, there are no federal laws to regulate the number of dogs that can be kept at breeding locations. Only four states (Virginia, Oregon, Louisiana, and Washington) have strict limits on the quantity of animals per facility. Conversely, 17 states have no licensing standards whatsoever, a veritable Puppy Mill free-for-all. While there are cruelty laws that should, by definition, keep these creatures safe and healthy, the enforcement of such regulations is laughably slack.

You've got to wonder why there are so many laws that protect our ability to treat other people and creatures in such terrible and unjust ways. And to think, we've been looking for a law that allows us to celebrate and recognize our love and commitment. . .