Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Marriage Quota: X Time's the Charm!

People say that your wedding day is that happiest day of your life (not that we would know. . .). But why limit yourself to only one memorable experience? Date, marry, divorce, rinse and repeat, right? Conveniently, neither the state or federal governments have any restriction on the number of times a (straight) person can get divorced/remarried.

Now, we at B4GayMarriage are a "live and let live" bunch. If you'd like to get married a couple (dozen) times, who are we to say boo on that? But we can't help noticing that there doesn't seem to be a quota on the number of times one can get hetero-married. Everyone's got an uncle or cousin who has been hitched 2, 3 or 10 times. However, the Grand Poobah of Knot Tying is Glynn Wolfe, a California minister who has said "I do" 29 times.

Twenty-nine marriages in 89 years of life. That's pretty prolific. I mean, this guy puts Henry VIII to shame. Most of the unions seem to have lasted less than a few months, with the spectrum ranging from nineteen days to 11 years. When Wolfe died in 1997, his only son reported that Wolfe detested "living in sin" and so he would marry every chance he got (translation: let's hump on God's time). Most of his marriages ended in divorce, including the expulsion of one wife over her habit of eating sunflower seeds in bed. I guess that's better than beheading. Nice to know that the State sanctions even these trivial dismissals of marital bonds.

By the end of his life, it became clear that Wolfe was not looking for that one perfect soul mate. Instead, his 29th marriage was merely for publicity - by exchanging vows he got his matrimony-lovin' mug in the Guinness Book of World Records. Good to know that straight couples have the option of marrying (innumerable times) for sport. We just want to do it once, and we want it to last forever.

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