Roller Coaster . . . Of Love (Whoo, whoo, whoo!)

Has the government's regulation on gay marriage got you spinning? Does it feel like you're climbing ever higher toward some gut-scrambling nose-dive? It probably does, but just to be sure - are you presently riding on a roller coaster? If your answer to our previous query is yes, get the hell off.

Some might say that by strapping into that rickety ol' cart on Death Mountain you are taking responsibility for your own actions. I mean, there is truth in branding. But would you feel better or worse knowing that there are no universal safety standards for amusement parks? What about the fact that there is a federal ban prohibiting ride experts from investigating amusement park accidents . . . including the incident of fatality?

Unlike other areas where government agencies regulate public health and safety, there is no organization that promulgates policies to control these popular thrills. That leaves local governments responsible for planning their own ordinances. Unfortunately, 21 of our 50 states don't have any programs overseeing their amusement parks. And isn't it ironic (don't you think?) that the Mickey Mouse state has the loosest regulations? Or is it just convenient that the state with the biggest and most famous theme park has some of the most lenient restrictions, allowing these attractions to function without federal oversight? Perhaps we should stop being so cynical and simply say: Congratulations Florida, you're #1!

So, next time you're down at Disney World for their annual homo-fest, remember that although Florida won't let you get gay-married, you're still encouraged to have a Fantasmic Cinderellabration!